


Workplace drama

by sarcasmismyweapon



Series: LL One year anniversary [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Adorable, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Awkward Conversations, Cute, Life lessons fic, Sexual Orientation, Teenagers, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 05:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15503529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasmismyweapon/pseuds/sarcasmismyweapon
Summary: Iruka has an awkward conversation at work, leading to him having a spectacular blow out with a co-worker. Kakashi does his best to not only figure out what the problem is, but how best to solve it. He just chooses to leave out the part where he had been watching the entire thing from the shadows to begin with.





	Workplace drama

**Author's Note:**

> One of the one year anniversary fics for Life Lessons. If you haven't read the main fic GO READ IT!

“Ten bucks says he throws it back at her.”

Silence.

“Maybe.”

“He will.”

“I think he can curb his enthusiasm to teach others a lesson.” The calm voice was quiet a moment before it’s owner glanced towards one of the other lurking figures. “Then again he had you as a teacher.”

Said figure smiled back at him. “He grew up so fast.”

The others snickered as Shikaku glared at Kakashi. “You’re not amusing.”

“They think I am.” The ninja jerked his thumb towards the other hidden shinobi.

“Ah you called it.”

Kakashi’s head whipped around in time to see the kunoichi stumbling back to catch the mission report that she’d attempted to turn into the mission desk. Iruka was making broad gestures, the Anbu was surprised that they couldn’t hear the teen from where they were given how animated he was being.

“Damn...Surprised he didn’t throw the table.”

“He wouldn’t.” Kakashi informed the others. “It would ruin the other reports and disrupt his co-workers.”

Raidou smirked beneath his mask. “Yeah and if there’s one thing you can count on it's the fact that the kid doesn’t want to cause trouble for others. Thankfully he learned that from someone other than Kakashi.” 

Kakashi sent a glare towards the older man. “You’re not amusing.” The snickering of his accomplice had Kakashi sighing as Raidou pointed. “He thinks I’m funny.”

“He’s an idiot.”

“HEY!”

Kakashi rolled his eyes only to grunt when he was elbowed by Shikaku, twisting about he saw what the shadow user was so intent on showing him. Iruka was once more settled behind the desk, neatly tidying the workplace as if nothing had happened. The real motivator for Kakashi to pay attention to was the fact that one of Iruka’s co-workers was attempting to talk to the chunin now that their scheduled shift was over, the lack of results had the Anbu frowning.

“Either the kids gone suddenly deaf or he isn’t having any of that.” Raidou pointed towards the flustered kunoichi attempting to talk to their chunin.

“Maybe they don’t get along?”

Kakashi shook his head. “No, he tells me who he gets on with and who he wants to hit upside the head.”

The other Anbu twisted to stare at him. Kakashi shrugged. “What he does.”

The Anbu snorted in unison, returning their attention to the ‘show’. 

“Wonder what that’s about?” 

The girl was still talking to Iruka and although it was clear that Iruka was talking back, he obviously wasn’t giving the kind of response that the kunoichi wanted. Either that or she didn’t know when to stop talking.

“Is he going to throw something at her?”

The other three glanced towards the other Anbu hiding with them. 

“No.” Raidou shook his head. “She’s not turning in a ruined report. She’s just talking to him.”

“He’s got the same facial expression as he had before he threw the report.” The figure pointed out to the Anbu beside him.

“He’s not wrong.” Shikaku muttered. “But I don’t think Iruka is the type to lash out a girl just for talking to him.”

“I would hope not.” Kakashi replied. “Taught him better than that.”

“You hope.”

“Shut up Hawk.”

The Anbu chuckled in reply to the terse words of the younger Anbu. The small group continued to watch on from the sideline as Iruka blatantly shot down whatever the girl was selling, the simple shakes of the boys head a simple enough gesture for the Anbu to figure how the conversation was going. The other co-workers looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“Well something is definitely going on.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Definitely.”

“But what?”

Silence.

The Anbu winced on the girls behalf when Iruka spun around shouted something with a wave of his hands that had the girl’s mouth agape before he picked up his bag, stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Leaving a stunned girl in his wake, the other co-workers glancing from the kunoichi to the door where Iruka had just left through.

“So...Tag.” Kakashi grunted when he was elbowed.

“Asshole.”

“Language.” Was called out by two distinct voices.

“Next chance I get I’m throwing you all under the bus.”

Shikaku and Raidou shrugged, they were far too used to such threats to be really concerned. Until Kakashi did something, they could ignore any pending attacks on their persons. 

“So you going to talk to him?”

“And how would I do that? Should I just say hey I saw today how you nearly made a kunoichi cry in the mission room?” His sarcasm had the Anbu sighing.

“I was going to go with...How was your day, but sure you can lead with that.” The Anbu chuckled as he ducked away from the angry fist of the silver haired Anbu.

“To be fair, Iruka tends to like the more direct approach.”

Kakashi snorted. “Yeah name one time the ‘direct’ approach has gone smoothly.”

Silence.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Do you guys really suck that much at talking to him? OW.” The Anbu rubbed his arm where Raidou had punched him.

“I don’t see you offering any sage advice here.”

“I already did einstein. Just talk to him, thought he followed Wolf around like a love sick puppy. Why can’t he just use that to his advantage.”

“Probably because Iruka wouldn’t let him.” Shikaku muttered. “You’ve got a lot to learn about Iruka and the other boys, they aren’t what they first appear to be.”

“Well they aren’t Anbu.” The man quipped. “So I think he can take them.”

Kakashi sighed. “That’s not the point, sure I can force him to tell me the truth...But I’m not going to. Iruka trusts me, I’m not about to betray that trust just because I’m curious about that.” He waved his hand towards the mission room where the scene had taken place.

The Anbu sighed. “Your loss.”

Kakashi ignored him in favor of talking to his other comrades. “Distract the boys, I’ll talk to Iruka and see what I can find out.”

Shikaku and Raidou hummed.

“And if you can’t get him to talk?” The other member of their little club asked.

“I’ll find a way.” Kakashi didn’t sit around to argue about his task any further. Simply disappeared leaving the others in his wake.

“I hate it when he does that.” The rookie muttered.

“Everyone hates it when he does that.” Raidou admitted. “Just ask Ibiki.”

“I wouldn’t ask Ibiki.” Shikaku interjected. “You’re too green to get on his bad side this soon.”

The younger Anbu glanced between the pair of them. “Right...So just ignore it?”

“Ignore it.”

“Ignore it...Or him, we all do a mix of both.”

Shikaku chuckled at Raidou’s simple instructions. The rookie seemed to take his words to heart though given that he didn’t attempt to weedle more information out of them about Iruka and his friends as he’d been trying to do all day. That was what had prompted them to play hide and seek by the mission desk office. Letting the rookie get a good look at the boy who had managed to ‘tame’ Kakashi, Iruka was becoming almost a legend in his own right simply because of that. His ability to still Kakashi’s actions before they could turn deadly for whoever managed to piss the Anbu off. Though it was common knowledge now that no one should try to mess with the teen, the last person to do that hadn’t liked the consequences of meeting the Anbu Wolf in person.

Even in the Anbu corp it was well known that Iruka was off limits and that the boy should be looked after from afar when they were able to do so. The boy and his friends were unofficial members of the elite Anbu family that protected Konoha, having managed to wedge themselves in with distinct Anbu like Kakashi, Shikaku, and Raidou. It was easy to see how the boys were well known and even in some instances respected, the fact that more than one Anbu had asked for the boys help in making Wolf forgive them was just downright amusing to Shikaku and Raidou. Shikaku had feared his wife would die of laughter when she’d caught onto that little piece of information herself, Iruka didn’t seem to be aware of just how much sway he truly had. That might be one of the biggest reasons that Kakashi trusted him so much, the boy didn’t attempt to use Kakashi for his own benefit. He was much more likely to ask the Anbu to spend time with him lounging in his apartment as he was to ask the Anbu to show him how to do a complicated jutsu. Their strange relationship was one that befuddled even the greatest of shinobi in their village. The hokage looked on from the sidelines, curious and pleased with how both had matured because of one another.

“Well I guess I should be heading home. Unless there’s something else you think I should know.” The rookie glanced between Shikaku and Raidou.

“Tons.” Raidou supplied. “But that’s more on you than us.”

The Rookie sighed. “Seriously?”

“Good luck.” Shikaku intoned dociley before disappearing.

Raidou gave a wave to the rookie before following suit. The rookie glanced around to see if he was truly alone, proven that he was the man sighed.

“Why did I think it was a good idea to join Anbu in the first place?”

 

**************

 

Kakashi was well versed in Iruka’s body language by now, that didn’t mean he knew what the boy was actually thinking so much as he knew what state of mind the boy was in. That was a good thing because no sooner than had he arrived in the boys apartment than did he have to dodge a kunai.

“Hello Iruka.” He didn’t take the weapon to heart, it hardly ever happened. Iruka was far too smart to try and actually harm him and it was more an outlet for his frustration than anything. He knew full well that Wolf would move out of the way or deflect the weapon thrown. Likewise Iruka knew that Wolf wouldn’t hurt him in retaliation for that slight against him. Kakashi watched silently as Iruka threw some folders onto the table with far more force than the poor documents required.

“Are the papers attacking again? Should we inform the hokage of their revolt?”

Iruka snorted even as he added things to the pile from his bag, the teen brought far too much work home with him. A trait that he no doubt picked up because of Kakashi and the other Anbu. If there was one thing they’d instilled in the boys it was hard work.

“Iruka.”

“I have work to do.”

“Ah yes...The paper revolt. Shall I man the perimeter?”

Iruka didn’t bother to reply to the sarcasm issued towards him, instead choosing to pull the chair back hard enough to have the legs scrape across the floor. Making a god awful noise that had Kakashi tensing.

“I see.” He watched Iruka flump down into the chair and pull the first folder towards himself, flipping it open and tearing the first piece of paper free. His creased eyes scoured it a moment before tossing it aside with barely any consideration to what happened to it.

“I hope those aren’t important.” Kakashi treaded carefully as he walked around the table to scoop up the piece of discarded paper, his eyes caught onto the details in the report swift enough.

“Well this is rather boring, did you lose a bet again?”

Iruka shook his head even as he signed his name only to discard that piece of paper as well. Kakashi caught it before it could slide off the table. Giving a long drawn out sigh, Kakashi placed the documents safely on the table, deciding to intervene before any more paperwork suffered Iruka’s temper. Kakashi took the two steps to be right next to Iruka before jerking the chair Iruka was in back away from the table. Causing Iruka to give a sudden cry of alarm as he was forced away from the table.

“What is wrong?”

Iruka glared up at him. “Wolf. I have work to do.”

“And taking out your frustrations on innocent documents is not a part of it.” Kakashi folded his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong?”

Shaking his head Iruka muttered. “Nothing’s wrong. Just forget it, I’m just tired from work.”

“Ah and if that was the truth I might believe you, but it’s not so I don’t.”

Iruka glared. “How do you know?”

“Because if you were actually tired from work you wouldn’t be doing more work, frankly you’d be face down in the couch. That’s what you normally do.”

Iruka gave him an annoyed look. “I need to finish this.”

“Okay.”

Iruka gave a nod as he made to scoot his chair forward again to continue working only to come up short when Wolf stood between him and the table.

“Wolf.”

“Hmm?”

“Move.”

“Can’t.”

Sighing Iruka looked up pleadingly to his Anbu. “If I say please will you listen?”

“No.”

Iruka groaned as he let his hand go through his hair in frustration. “What do you want?”

“I want to know what’s wrong.”

“And you’ll stop interfering if I tell you?”

“It’s the only possible way that might happen.”

Iruka snorted. “That wasn’t a yes.”

“I know it wasn’t.”

The chunin lifted his head up a small smile forming on his face. “Your horrible.”

The Anbu shrugged.

“Fine.” Iruka sighed. “I-I was rude to someone at work.”

“And that’s what is bothering you.”

Iruka had a pinched expression on his face even as he shook his head. “I tried to be polite at first, but...It didn’t work and I was losing my patience.” The chunin refused to meet his eyes even as he continued speaking. “So I was rude, I stormed out shortly after saying some...Mean things and I guess I’m still frustrated by the whole thing.”

“Why were you rude? What was going on?”

The chunin didn’t appear to want to talk about it, which was probably the reason he needed to talk about it. At least that had been Kakashi’s experience with the boy in the past. “Iruka.”

“She asked me out.”

“On a date?” This was definitely news to the Anbu.

Iruka gave him an annoyed look. “No Wolf. She asked me outside where she planned to ritually sacrifice me, of course on a date.”

Kakashi chuckled. “Sorry, alright and you said no I take it?”

Iruka nodded.

“Why?”

The boy blushed. “Uh...No reason, look that’s not important.” He pointed a finger at the Anbu, knowing him well enough to figure the man wouldn’t let that tidbit drop. “The whole point is that she didn’t listen, she started asking who I was seeing and whether or not it was serious.”

“And that annoyed you because you didn’t wish to go out with her in the first place and now you were having to defend yourself without a scapegoat as a safety net.”

Iruka frowned. “What? No.” Iruka shook his head. “I-I wasn’t going to lie about it either way, but it’s not like I’ve really dated in the past. Nothing serious anyways. I just didn’t want to have to explain things to her and she wouldn’t stop.”

“Explain things? What’s there to explain kid, if you’re not interested then you’re not interested.” The Anbu shrugged. “She can’t fault you for that.”

Iruka sighed. “I know.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“She-” Iruka took a shaky breath. “She was insinuating things that were embarrassing and our co-workers could hear.”

“Like?”

The boys cheeks were flaming even as he fought against his bodies own response to the words the girl had spoken in the middle of the mission room. How was he supposed to relay that conversation to Wolf without making a fool of himself? Iruka figured that there wasn’t a way to do that, so with a heavy heart he muttered.

“She said that I was scared since I’d never been with a woman before.”

Kakashi snorted. “And? I would think that speaks more about her than you.”

Iruka gave him an embarrassed look. “She kinda asked what my type was, she wanted a reason for me to turn her down.”

“Other than her being a nuisance?”

“Yeah.” Iruka smiled. “Other than that.”

“What’d you say?” The Anbu was curious to know what the chunin had finally said right before he’d stormed out of the mission room. It had to be something good if Iruka was this flustered about it, more than likely he was reacting this way because he hadn’t wished to treat the kunoichi like that in the first place. Despite the fact that Kakashi felt that the girls deserved the embarrassment of whatever comment Iruka had made. It was her own fault though, some people just didn’t respect personal boundaries.

“That she wasn’t my type.”

“She believed that?”

“No she wanted details.” Iruka’s face was flushed.

“What’d you say?”

“I just said that I couldn’t tell her and when she pressed...I kinda just lost it.”

“Because.” The Anbu pressed.

Iruka blushed even as he refused to meet the Anbu’s gaze. “I didn’t want to say anything about it, but I kinda had too or at least I felt that I had to. So I uh… I shouted that she wasn’t my type because I’m not attracted to woman.”

Kakashi was silent after hearing the boys words, that was news to him. Though he supposed it wasn’t a surprise in general now that he was thinking about it. All of the previous dates Iruka had gone on had ended in disaster. Granted they hadn’t ever talked about such things in the past. It wasn’t as if Kakashi could have known the boys sexual preference before now what with him exclusively dating woman. A part of him wondered if Iruka had denied such a thing for fear of him and the other Anbu reacting poorly to it.

“Wolf.”

“Hmm?”

“A-Uh is it okay?”

“Is what okay?” He tilted his head. “That you turned her down, I would say so.”

Iruka frowned. “No, is it okay that I’m not attracted to woman?”

“Hawk’s gay Iruka, you know this.” Kakashi snorted. “Raccoon once told him that he didn’t care if Hawk fell in love with a lima bean so long as it didn’t affect what he could do for our village.”

Iruka smirked. “A lima bean?”

The Anbu shrugged. “I know, but I think that’s just the first thing he could think up. The point stands though, doesn’t matter what you like. Woman, men...Lima bean.”

Iruka chuckled. “I don’t like lima beans.”

“That’s a relief.” The Anbu replied. “I hate those things and I would be utterly appalled to know you wanted a deep relationship with one.”

Iruka snorted. “Your horrible.”

Kakashi laughed. “So what’d she say when you told her?”

Iruka groaned. “She asked if I was sure.”

“Okay...I take it that didn’t go over well.”

“Not really.”

“Was there bloodshed?” He knew there hadn’t been, but he was still curious to know what the boy would say about the altercation.

“No.” Iruka huffed. “I told her that it wasn’t surprising that no one in the office was interested in dating her given how quick she was to blame her faults on others. My sexual preference had nothing to do with her and yet she needed a reason. Like she felt that me dating her would suddenly make me attracted to a woman, let alone her. After all her pestering I finally broke down and told her I wasn’t attracted to her, she couldn’t except that either...I might have insinuated that when a guy turned her down it wasn’t because she wasn’t their type so much as she wasn’t anyone’s type.”

Kakashi shook his head. “Wow kid.”

“I know...I need to apolo-”

“What you need to do is hold your head up high tomorrow and don’t go back on what you said.”

Iruka’s eyes were wide. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’ll-”

“She’ll be angry? Embarrassed? Like how you’re feeling right now because of how she acted? I’m pretty sure your co-workers will back you on this one Iruka. She overstepped and didn’t like the result she got back. You’ve got nothing to apologize for, she’s the one who forced yourself to out your sexual orientation to the rest of the office. If anything she should be the one apologizing.”

Iruka swallowed. “She’s not going to do that Wolf.”

The Anbu shrugged. “Didn’t figure she would, the point is that you don’t apologize to her. She’s not the wronged party here Iruka.”

“I know.” The teen admitted. “I just...I mean I know better than to treat a woman like that.”

“Because Himiko threatened to beat all of you boys skulls open if you did?”

Iruka paled. “Yeah.”

“I’m pretty sure that this one doesn’t count and that Himiko would be on your side. The general populace know better than to be so prideful as to demand answers for why someone doesn’t wish to go on a date. It’s that thing called manners.”

Iruka smiled back at his Anbu. “Yeah I know, but I still feel bad for reacting the way I did.”

“Eh.” The Anbu shrugged. “You were pretty relaxed about the whole thing, I wouldn’t have been that nice.”

Iruka snorted. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“I don’t know. Why doesn’t that surprise you?”

“Wolf.” The boys tone was exasperated.

Kakashi chuckled. “Fine.” He waved a hand at the teen. “I suppose you want to get back to work then?”

Iruka thought about it a moment before shaking his head.

“No?”

“Nah, it can wait until tomorrow.” Rising from the chair he’d been forced to sit in while conversing with his Anbu, the chunin smiled brightly towards his Anbu. “I know Himiko would tell me not to say anything because it would inflate your ego, but I’m really glad that I have you to make me see things like that.”

Kakashi snorted. “Half the things I do would have Himiko wanting to ignore me.”

“True.” The boy replied impishly. “You can’t blame her though.”

“I can’t?”

“Nah.” Iruka shook his head as he walked away from the table, knowing that Wolf would be tailing behind him. “I mean she had to put up with all of you for how long before we came along?”

“Ha ha.”

Iruka laughed at the dry laughter coming from Wolf. “I think she should get a medal for putting up with you all, some kind of civil service thing?”

“Keep it up.”

“I mean I don’t think even the hokage has to put up with you guys that much...She should totally get some kind of rewar-” Iruka laughed as he avoided the Anbu’s attempt to smack him upside the head. “Too slow.” He taunted even as he made a break for it.

“Oh I’ll show you slow.” 

Iruka screamed as the Anbu attacked.

 

*******

 

The man and woman looked up at the ceiling the random screams and thumps were nothing new to them.

“It would seem Iruka’s guest is back.” 

“Mmhmm.”

Another loud thump was heard.

“That’s nice, the boy gets so lonely I’m sure.”

Her husband gave a nod.

“Do you think they’re always going to rough house like that? Surely someone could get hurt.” The woman gave a worried glance up towards the ceiling when she heard another yelp.

“They’re shinobi dear.” The man glanced upwards as well. “I think whatever is happening up there is considered normal for them folk.”

“Oh...You could be right dear.”

Another thump and the distinct sounds of shouting ‘Have mercy’.

“Well at least he’s not lonely tonight.”

“Mmhmm. Pass the carrots.”

 

*********

 

Iruka had tears streaming down his cheeks even as he gasped for breath. “Y-Your so mean.”

“I’m mean?” The Anbu’s incredulous voice sputtered. “You threw a lamp at me.”

“It was a noble sacrifice for it’s owner.”

The Anbu snorted. “I didn’t even break it Iruka.”

“Oh you didn’t?”

“No.”

The chunin nodded. “I’m gonna need that back then.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Sure. I’ll get it back to you as soon as you get out of those restraints.”

Iruka considered that request as he tilted his head around, his arms were firmly tied up behind his back. Lashing him to a bedpost. “Uh...You could just leave it in the corner. I think I’m going to be here a while.”

“Yeah. Looks like it.”

Iruka caught his breath all while Wolf sat cross legged in front of him, not the least bit out of breath despite their lengthy scuffle. What was worse was how easily it had been for the Anbu to restrain him before lashing him to his own bedpost. 

“So uh...How was your day?”

Kakashi grinned beneath his mask. “Good.”

“That’s uh great. You going to let me-”

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

“Language.”

Iruka glared back at the masked figure. “I just got tied to my own furniture I think that warrants cursing Wolf.”

The Anbu shrugged. “I could always gag you.”

Iruka’s eyes widened. “Seriously?!”

“It’s an option.”

“No. No it is not an option.” Iruka scowled.

“If you say so.”

“I do say so!”

“It works pretty efficiently.”

“Wolf.” Iruka glared. “Don’t.”

Kakashi tilted his head. “You sure? It’s a great learning opportunity.” He teased.

Iruka groaned as he let his head fall back to thunk against the bedpost. “And I thought being asked on a date was going to be the worst thing to happen to me today.”

Kakashi snorted. “I think you have your priorities a little mixed up. Gender aside, most people don’t consider getting asked out on a date to be in the same category as being forcefully restrained by an Anbu.”

Iruka smirked. “Most people don’t have you.”

“True.”

“Just out of curiosity...What happens if I ever do go out on a date?”

“With a girl? You’ve already tried that and given the fact that you’re not attracted to them I would think that it’s a waste of time to try again, I think we al-”

“No Wolf.” The teen muttered sourly. “You know...With a-”

“Guy? Considering you’ve already stated that you’re gay that would be normal. Also you are correct in wondering how such a thing would go, namely I am not responsible if there is a Anbu presence in the immediate area of said date.”

“Wolf.” Iruka groaned.

“If you’d like I can promise not to be on the squad.”

“OH MY GOD. You are not having a squad of Anbu tailing me if I get a date!”

Kakashi chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I just said I would, but if you want to play innocent just in case hell rains down from above I’m okay with that.”

Iruka stared in shock back at his Anbu. “You ar-” Iruka shook his head. “You or any other Anbu are not allowed to assault any person I go on a date with.”

“Ah-”

“NO!” Iruka shouted.

Kakashi sighed. “How about a maiming clause?”

Iruka snorted. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Means there is a distinct possibility of maiming, also watch your language.”

“Your horrible.”

“Only in an emergency situation of course.” The Anbu went on as if he hadn’t just been insulted by the chunin.

“What emergency could possibly take place on a date? NO. You know what I don’t want to know.”

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I can come up with some good ones.”

“I take it back.”

“Hmm?”

“I want the gag.”

“You do?” Kakashi frowned beneath his mask.

“Yeah. Please gag yourself, I’ll close my eyes while you put it in your mouth.”

“Ha ha ha.” Kakashi droned out. “Nice try. I would think that you would be used to the possibilities of an Anbu presence in your life.”

“I’m never going to date if word gets out that there’s a squad of Anbu waiting for some hidden signal to pounce.”

“I could teach you a hand sign to do that.”

“NO!” Iruka shook his head. “Wolf please.”

The Anbu laughed at the distressed look upon the chunin’s face. “Fine fine. I promise to give any person you go out on a date with the benefit of the doubt.”

“And?”

Kakashi sighed. “And I won’t have any Anbu on guard to pounce on said date.”

“And?”

Kakashi frowned. “What else do you want?”

“I want you to say ‘I promise there will be no death threats, maiming, stalking, or otherwise nefarious plots against Iruka’s dating life.’”

“Ah.” Kakashi nodded in understanding.

They stared back at each other in silence for nearly five minutes.

“I hate you so much right now.”

Kakashi chuckled. “Well it wouldn’t be any good to have me say such things when I wouldn’t be abiding by them.”

“What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“You have to have gone on a date by now, you’re older than me.” Iruka pointed out with a jerk of his head since he couldn’t actually point at the Anbu.

“Ah yes...Those haven’t ended particularly well.” The Anbu admitted.

“Uh huh.” Iruka didn’t seem overly surprised to hear that. “I’m asking Raccoon about that.”

Kakashi glared at the teen. “That’s rather cruel of you.”

“And I’m telling Himiko that you’re planning on setting up some kind of Anbu date squad for me.”

Kakashi snickered. “That’s not a joke!”

“Sounds like it.”

“She’ll believe me.”

Kakashi sighed. “Unfortunately for me, she will.”

Iruka looked quite pleased with himself giving the expression on the boys face, Kakashi rolled his eyes. “I think you’re forgetting one thing though.”

“Hmm?”

“She’ll yell and complain about me doing such a thing.” Iruka nodded. “But she’ll also help foot the bill to pay those Anbu to do just that.” Iruka’s mouth fell open. Kakashi laughed. “So who’s really losing here Iruka?”

“My social life apparently.” The boy groused.

Kakashi waved a hand at the kid. “You’ll be fine, just pretend they aren’t there.”

“Wolf. I know they’re there.”

“Sure, but you don’t have to tip off your date.”

Iruka snorted. “Yeah cause no one is going to flat out ask me if my Anbu is lurking in the shadows.”

“I don’t lurk.” Kakashi defended himself. The raised brow he got in return had the Anbu sighing. “I prefer the term becoming one with the shadows.” Kakashi replied proudly.

“Yeah does Raccoon know about that?”

“Yes.”

“And what does he think about it?” The boy questioned.

“He is not a fan.”

“Go figure. Bet you didn’t have to worry about him stalking you when you went out on a date.”

Kakashi snorted. “Worse.”

Iruka gave him a look of disbelief.

“Because of my rank and the knowledge I hold the majority...Well all of the people I’ve dated had to be cleared through my boss before the date was allowed to go forward.”

Iruka blinked at him dumbly. “W-What now?”

Kakashi nodded. “There’s too real a threat of someone trying to gain access to sensitive information through me.”

“So your dates are...Background checked by the boss of Anbu.”

“Yes.” 

“Damn...I am so sorry.”

“Language and it’s not that bad.”

Iruka snorted. “You must not go on very many dates.”

“Not really.”

Iruka gave him a curious look, but didn’t bother to ask anything personal. He’d gotten better as he got older in holding back the endless waves of questions he wanted to ask the masked figure. This was no different, sure he’d love to know more about Wolf and whatever strange dates he’d gone on. It was just that he knew it was personal and if there was one thing the pair of them shared it was how some things are meant to stay just to themselves. Then it dawned on him, smirking Iruka questioned the Anbu.

“Wait...So if you can go all Anbu stealth on my dates what do I get to do for yours?”

Kakashi snorted. “Nothing.”

Iruka shook his head. “That’s not fair Wolf.”

The Anbu rolled his eyes. “Hate to break it to you Iruka, but that’s just the way things are.”

“I think I should get to do my own investigation into them.”

“You don’t think Ibiki could do a good enough job.” Kakashi laughed at the absurdity of that statement.

Iruka shrugged. “How many of your dates have ended in bloodshed?” That was general curiosity talking, by the mannerisms of his Anbu he knew the answer was going to be good.

“Uh...Okay I’ll give you that one.”

Iruka smirked. “Thought so.”

“Still you can’t check in on them, you could accidently learn who I am.”

The teen rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He gave a dramatic sigh. “Then I suppose it’s only fair that I get to assign an Anbu squad on your dates as well.” Iruka gave a devilish grin. “And lucky me I know just who to talk to about that.”

“Iruka.” Kakashi threatened.

“I bet he’ll be jumping for joy at the prospect of following you around while your on a date.” The teen continued.

“Iruka I’m warning you.”

“Then again I don’t know if he’ll be able to contain himself, it’s a prime opportunity to-Mph.” Iruka glared back at Wolf, the Anbu leaning back now that the teen was gagged with a sock he’d picked up from the bedroom floor.

“And that is how you properly gag someone.” The Anbu preened at his own abilities.

Iruka gave him a death glare in return.

“You want to see who wins this, be my guest. Ask Raccoon or Hawk to be your eyes and ears when I have a date. Just remember I have far more than just those two at my disposal when you go on your own dates.” Wolf leaned forward. “And some of mine are hunter nins.”

Iruka glared even as he spat out useless words around the sock. Kakashi sat back eyes smiling as the boy thrashed against the bindings holding him to the bedpost. He wasn’t about to get free anytime soon which was more than okay with Kakashi. There was a bigger lesson to be taught here, one that had yet to sink into the boys head even after all these years.

You do not cross an Anbu. 

Especially one such as himself, he didn’t always play by the rules after all.

 


End file.
